This is an adventure in a return to journal-ing.  I need to start somewhere, so, with that, 30 Days of Truth prompts ahead.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.

This is so easy at times where I hate a lot of things about myself.  I hate that I love too much, care too little or too much, overthink everything, take everything personally, assume the worst, and, despite my attempts at optimism, expect the worst.

Sometimes it seems easier to shut it down. Caring about people, loving people - it just hurts so much.  I feel like I put myself on the line a lot for people. Especially certain people.  I put it all out there and laid everything on the line, and then, when the feelings aren't returned in the same way, it is incredibly painful and difficult for me to walk away.  I do not want to.  I will put all my energy and heart into "fixing" things that cannot be fixed, and I pay for it.

I've lost people I never wanted to lose - I've held on to people I'd like to lose.

I've been told that people *like* these things about me - my loyalty, respect for my friends, the way I care about people.  How do you reconcile hating something about yourself that other people like about you?

It's not that I wish to be dead inside; sometimes I just wish I didn't care so much about people who do not care or hold the same respect for me.